Brightest Smiles.

Viktor Sheleg

     I have been lagging on posts since my first day at the new job; Starbucks and I cant express how grateful having this job makes me feel. I am truly blessed. Starbucks coffee isn't the best or even close to being my favorite I am not going to lie, but its caffeinated and it makes people happy. So making it and getting payed for it makes ME happy.

    In other news...I have just finished the last beer I will be having in 60 days. It's a fitness thing...as well as being vegetarian for these 60 days. It's added to a deal I made with one of my new co-workers. He will be doing Insanity and I running and P90X. I have been meaning to start since New Years but I am the queen of procrastination(2012 or not). Things are looking up for people around me and it makes me feel good. I made a promise that I would start taking my spirituality more seriously if I got this much needed job. Not only did I get it but it was such a raise from my old job, "the boi" got a job and things are looking good for a lot of loved ones and random people around me. Sooo...I dare you to tell me that there is no above. I have been spiritually dormant for the longest time, and I really am sick of it. I have a lot to be thankful for and I know my family and friends aren't just "lucky" someone has got their back. God is a touchy subject for everyone but being God-fearing since your little years can make a major impact on how you take life in and how you process things. I personally have accepted the challenge. 

   p.s. I have decided to apply to The Art Institute of California-Orange County and study for a  Degree in Baking/Pastry. Of course, this wont be until next Winter but I am starting to figure things out. Hopefully for the better this time.

  p.s.s. Check out my brothers new blog http://snapshotunleashed.blogspot.com/. This kid inspires the shit out of me!

Cleansing.

doodles n' scribbles.

     Spring Clean can't come soon enough, so I have decided to start a simple but important sweep NOW. I am going through all my old journals/sketchbooks and pulling out important information that I wrote down, inspirations, passwords, user-names', quotes, interesting sites, book lists, anything that I may have jotted down that was relevant to me at the time. I am pulling all of it out and organizing it so that I may compile it into one journal and have it ready as a source for myself. It is better that searching frantically for something I scribbled down not remembering which notebook I wrote it in, or forgetting a username, an address, or amazing artist I found three months ago.

   The reason I want it all on something tangible is that as much as I love technology I don't trust is as much as most do. I love having my notes/sketchbooks/journals in hand and jotting things as they happen before I forget. Of course the only problem is I am not organized so I loose track of what is in which. Although this is a tedious task I quite enjoy going through my old books. Little surprises sometimes pop up that I had dismissed from my memory. I also love reminiscing over "ancient" things of my past, I think this is why I am a pack rat. Oh! But I can't help it. Tokens from past experiences are like tiny little secrets and it is lovely to me to look back and feel nostalgic for a bit.













                                                             notes.

Networks.

                                          -Ernest Hemingway 
  Facebook has become beyond  irritating to me!. I have realized that I don't really give one shit about what people say on it.... I may just need a break from it ...we'll see.
      I would much rather read blogs and see pictures people post, I think those are better windows to peoples souls and who they are. It allows you to learn from people and share with people who have similar interest. Blogs are more in depth, and Pictures are "time, captured". The kind of pictures people like and post can say a lot.

Well, I got rid of mine. Mostly because I am going hermit status for a while. Doing some soul-searching and some past-erasing. Time to get out of this "zombie-daze" and move on with life...I got a big dream I need to begin to turn from wistful to real.

Recovery.

                  Okay, time to be honest. I have been feeling quite down for the past couple months. Feeling "down" whatever that may include; sad, angry, lost, lonely, anxious, etc. is not fun. It pulls you down until you cry and cry and pity yourself for no damn reason. I have doubted myself many many times and I think it's about time I stop it. The whole time I had the support of my family and "the boi" (what I call my lovely boyfriend to others), but feeling and overabundance of all those bad feelings can blind you from seeing all the good you have. Well, things seem like they are looking up...or maybe it's me that is finally looking up after keeping my head down for a long while. 

I am done with this storm and ready to take control of my life with a little help from above.

Vivid Dreamin'

   
         My dream is no longer to be an artist that illustrates.paints.or captures moments on film/video/etc….but to CREATE and provide a space for those kinds of artist to gather and coexist…a place where ideas will bounce off multi-colored walls….where books will be read that inspire…where food and drink will unite different dreams….a place with a wide open door…for anyone with an open mind…words and good vibes will flow….flowers will grow on a patio outside with chairs and tables that promise only wonderful thoughts….art will be sold to an excited waiting audience…and my place will be an open place. one to share secrets.dreams.ideas.muses.inspirations.tears.sorrows.joy….in the end…it will be a happy place. THAT is my dream to be THAT kind of artist. ^___^
ps. after a long slow proccess of growth…I know what I want….
the trick now…is getting there…

pull my daisy.

daisy

    

       Moving back to Irvine Ca. for two months since our lease is up here in Tustin. Then at the end of August it's back to the Bay! 

Boxing up all my books and I came across my Allen Ginsberg book, i'll leave you with one of my favorite poems int there and a couple of pictures from my files to enjoy. July is coming and I cannot wait to go home.

Pull my daisy

tip my cup

all my doors are open

Cut my thoughts 

for coconuts

all my eggs are broken

Jack my Arden

gate my shades

woe my road is spoken

Silk my gardens

rose my days

now my prayers awaken

Bone my shadow

dove my dream

start my halo bleeding

Milk my mind &

make me cream

drink me when you're ready

Hop my heart on

harp my height

seraphs hold me steady

Hip my angel

hype my light

lay it on the needy

Heal the raindrop

sow the eye

bust my dust again

Woe my worm

work the wise

dig my spade the same

Stop the hoax

what's the hex

where's the wake

how's the hicks

take my golden beam

Rob my locker

lick my rocks

leap my cock in school

Rack my lacks 

lark my looks

jump right up my hole

Whore my door

beat my boor

eat my snake of fool

Craze my hair

bare my poor

asshole shorn of wool

Say my oops

ope my shell

bite my naked nut

Roll my bones

ring my bell

call my worm to sup

Pope my parts

pop my pot

raise my daisy up

Poke my pap

pit my plum

let my gap be shut

       - Allen Ginsberg, Jack Kerouac, and Neal Cassady <3

                                         New York, 1949

P.S. READ Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac  GO here for summary. 

-Julia Randall

-Brian Viveros

Inspirations for my future Tea House.

let down your hair.

    As a child one of my favorite things to do was help my mom braid her hair. Back in her day it  was custom to have long hair in the Mexican culture, it was preferred...but once out of her house she cut it all off(a 70's bob), she of course has long hair again. I think I went through the same phase as she did.
 I think to have long hair is beautiful and I always envied those girls with gorgeous long locks. My hair on the other hand would never cooperate and so back when I was naive to vanity, I chopped it off and it stayed chopped off for 5 years. I was a rebel so I have fried, dyed, and killed my hair over the years, I saw it as dead cells and as vain so I did what I wanted with it. I always of course desired I could grow it as long and beautiful as my mothers. I came to respect even more the dedication it took to take good care of your hair and to be organic about it. It is currently a little past my shoulders and OH! how I am resisting the temptation to cut it. I want it to be healthy once more...and I want to say I had long hair like my mothers because truly I am in love with the way it flows, as well as my older sisters but shhhh we don't want to boost her ego. :) Well, lets hope my urges to chop it off and dye it (although that one may fail) wont get to me. I hope to have it so long that I can braid it like my mom does (I still love helping her braid it).

oily surfaces.

OIL PASTELS!!! They are the such a blast!!! I am currently working on 3 different paintings ..all taking their seperate paths. Two of them are in oil which is my favorite media hands down. They are so much fun to work with...shading.thinning down.blending.etc. I am stoked to be on the move again...looking forward to sharing some old and new works!

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old finds!

 I am super stoked...I recently found some old computer files with probably two years worth of collected pictures. Food, fashion, art, my old art, cool things, etc. I am beyond excited...because added to the pictures I have since then collected, I have hundreds. YAY!! for cool photos. I am a photo collecting JUNKIE! I save anything that captures my eye and that inspires me to create and such. Which is what this blog was made for...BOOOO! horrible job on my part at keeping it updated, but it is now a must because frankly I am getting just a little sick of making up excuses for not creating cool shit! This coming summer will definitely be for saving up towards a laptop! WOOO!  Anywho....heres a few photos from those awesome found old files. ENJOY!

                          i loved this photo because it is a little how my sketchbook works sometimes!

just a little taste ...... <3

trust ,lacking ,and the outcome.

if only our roots were made of steel
and we didn't rely on them to heal

if only time were a little bit kinder
and we didn't hold on to the past
tighter and tighter

if only our hearts had the guts of a fighter

and love faded
like washable markers
and stuck on blue crayon

then i'd be smiling right now
instead of hurting like a castrated coward.

tints and hues

my work station *_* ....theres nothing i love more than really loud music and hours making cool things. Searching for new muses because I've got an inspiration addiction!

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spirit-grinder.

I'm in major need of renovation.....to breath in some inspiration...

.next week...paint.draw.music.pray. non-Stop!


-this shall be my possible salvation.

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recovery.

There are reasons why the mind thinks before it speaks....ponders before it's actions....there are reasons why sometimes the mind should and will stay dormant.
Mine has awoken from a deep deep sleep...it shall stay awake and live to see new moments, wake to learn new things as well as to experience them. I vow to not hold back. To go all out and to continue to keep and open mind to everything and everyone.
There are reasons why the mind hides...but it knows when to come back and conquer.

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wintering.

mmmmm...can you feel it?
The cold air fighting it's way here, the cool breeze of winter teasing?
I have stayed away because I am learning to experience things with a new open mind. I am staying positive and working on creating my future.

There's more to come.....

but for now...this will suffice.

..in circles..

I am craving change. I am not exactly sure what I want and how to go about getting it. It is safe to say I am stuck, not in a bad way but nonetheless; frustrating. I am stuck in emotions and that never does anyone any good. I'm trying to let go of a nasty feeling that just doesn't belong with me anymore. I am trying to stay positive and most of all productive, because if I let myself sit out too long I might just stay there.
 I have new plans for my future; business minor?, more cooking, research research and more research, more writing, work work... oh yes! and work.  I am content...yes...yes I am. Now, let me just get out of the grasp of this quick sand that is slowing me down and I'll be set and ready to let things flow again.  :D

   

struggles.

click

While trying to keep calm and remain productive, I've been delayed from progress for a little while. It's the things of the heart that are a little bit thougher to deal with, but I have become a stronger person so I am trying to deal with this round as best I can.
We have to keep moving and anticipate the new things that are to come rather than get stuck on one depressing way of thinking. ....

Here's a poem I wrote(guess I did make a little progress) <3


I’m getting used to the sour taste of you
without the sweet lingering sensation …I used to like so much
I’m struggling with the difference
Of not having you around to bring me dooown
Then be redeemed by holding me so high up
I swear I’m in oblivion
I’m too caught up
In hating you
To even begin to miss you
My heads in the clouds
And I swear…I don’t ever want to come back down
To feel your absence
To feel anything at all …towards or against you
Please…don’t ever let me come down
I don’t want to hear
The blow of anything you have to say
I want to make you into a stranger
Before I start feeling lost
..without you
And forgive my ignorance
But I’m a bit too light headed
To even begin to describe
That way I used to adore you
With a sense of any sanity left
you’ve drilled a lack of emotion
In the way I feel about….. anything at all
Everything aches
And I’m a couple shakes away
From feeling the pain



 ...have a lovely day and smile!!!!!

keep calm and make tea.

Drinking tea, researching, and working on new pieces to post :) Will be posting new works soon!

here

Today I began running again, and it feels sooooo good. The wind rushing in my ears, my head throbbing, and my heart energized ready for a long hard run. I did cross country for 3 years because I absolutely love long distance  running and I miss it. It's been a while but I plan to keep at it this time. Exercising gives you lots and lots of extra energy it's no lie, and I need all the energy I can get :)

I am hoping I can run longer and harder in about a week because I gave up easy tonight :)



ra! -have a great night!!!

books! books! books!

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Good Morning! It is a absolutely beautiful Sunday! The sun is out and all I want to do is sip my tea and bask in it's warmth! mmmmmm!  Here is my reading list for this summer :)
Feel free to suggest some ...I go through books like I go through cups of tea :)
These are all the books that have been recommended to me and I have been meaning to read!

1. The Metamorphosis- Franz Kafka
2. Another Roadside Attraction- Tom Robbins
3. Three Cups of Tea- Greg Mortenson
4. The Picture of Dorian- Oscar Wilde
5. Emotional Intelligence-  Daniel Coleman
6. The Wisdom of the Desert- Thomas Merton
7. Dharma Bums- Jack Kerouac (again!)

 Off to my backyard to enjoy this lovely day!

    "If you are cold,                         
        tea will warm you.
       If you are too heated,
        it will cool you.
      If you are depressed
        it will cheer you.
      If you are excited 
         it will calm you."                


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fork in my road!

I would love to visit a library this big....I would spend hours and hours emerged in books!!!

libraries here.

OH MY! So here I am stressed out of my mind! Researching the requirements for the school I want to transfer to and BOOM! Tuition is $36,000 plus all expenses and fees and rent, etc. all adding up to over $50,000.Holy cow! Even with loans and aid will I be able to survive paying this kind of money??? So I am slowly coming to terms with the fact I won't be going to art school. Do I even need to go to art school? I honestly don't think so...but the classes they offer the challenges they put you up to seem so grand. Oh well. Now I am faced with the decisions of were I will go to school and where I want to live. I guess this summer I must figure all this out and decide whether i want to postpone planning my trips to Ireland and India. It seems like I have all the time in the world but I must keep being productive. Maybe I will go study abroad? or just keep taking all the classes in the world....sigh! For now....I'll keep researching and drawing and painting and writing of course.

note to self: live in the moment!